Mums Call the Shots
The state of your room is a bloody disgrace
Toys and clothes all over the place
Chewing gum in your pencil case
And you can take that smirk off your face
Mums call the shots
Clean your room by half past ten
Put that down, I won’t tell you again
Sulk all day if you want to then
You’re not going out with Jonesy and Ben
Mums call the shots
Elbows off the table, eat your greens
You can’t live on just baked beans
You can do what you like when you’re eighteen
What’s that stain on the back of your jeans?
Mums call the shots
That’s for me to know and you to find out
I’ll give you something to cry about
Cabbage, peas, broccoli, sprouts
Eat what’s in front of you or do without
Mums call the shots
It’ll all end in tears, you wait and see
Don’t sit that close to the bloody TV
No dessert unless you finish your tea
Go to sleep, you’ll be the death of me
Mums call the shots
Will you be quiet, I can’t hear myself think
Don’t leave it there, put it in the sink
It’s thank-you, not cheers, I didn’t buy you a drink
Put your shoes outside, they stink
Mums call the shots
Keep it down, stop your yelling
I’m not asking nice, I’m telling
Practice your maths, reading and spelling
Put some ice on to stop the swelling
Mums call the shots
If you keep making that face it’ll freeze
Stop that scratching, have you got fleas?
Money doesn’t grow on trees
If you don’t want a slap, say please
Mums call the shots
It’s fun ‘til someone loses an eye
When I was your age we’d play I-spy
Because I said so, that’s why
You’re running away? Okay, goodbye
Mums call the shots
© Alfie Noakes 2025