The King of Buzzword Bingo
He’s the king of buzzword bingo
A results-driven thought leader
Flexing his boardroom lingo
A blue-sky-thinking bottom feeder
Let’s do lunch and credit crunch
Push boundaries and strategise
Let’s insource the outsourcing
And deliver on ROI
He’s the king of buzzword bingo
He aims to convolute
With ballpark figures, core values
And low-hanging fruit
The bar is raised, we’re on the same page
The snouts are in the trough
I’ll get my people to call his people
So they can tell him to fuck right off
He’s the king of buzzword bingo
Arrives eight-thirty for nine
Checks in, reaches out, touches base
And takes his latte offline
Brains are stormed, working groups formed
We’ve thought outside the square
Let’s run him up the flagpole
And leave the dullard there
He’s the king of buzzword bingo
KPIs are well in range
With downsizing to upscale
And transformational change
Pain points are unpacked, problems hacked
But has the bar been raised too soon?
Never mind the elephant
There’s a wanker in the room
He’s the king of buzzword bingo
A deep-diving, granular urbanite
He’s the John, Paul, George and Ringo
Of vacuous workplace shite
He’s taken it to another level, this drivel of the devil
A vlogger without a cause
He says work life balance
I say, up yours
He’s the king of buzzword bingo
In the loop but out the know
Has to fucking showcase
His gratuitous PowerPoint slideshow
Ducks in a row, cows are for cash
A grapevine for weasel words and spite
Don’t drop the ball on his trash
Drop a bucket of shite
He’s the king of buzzword bingo
His mouth is firing blanks
“Hey buddy, how’s your bandwidth?”
“What? Fine thanks.”
A 360-reviewed heavy lifter
Proven track record, good fit
A highly-motivated paradigm shifter
In other words – a tit
© Alfie Noakes 2025